Eleven of the world’s lamest attractions (and why I still love them)

I can’t get on board with the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It’s a footpath with people’s names on it. Los Angeles’ Sunset Strip, however, is my kind of lame attraction. This is a street that’s famous because it used to be the hub of LA’s hair-metal rock-star culture, where umlauts reigned supreme, where Lemmy from Motörhead hung out at the Rainbow Bar & Grill, various actors and musicians were OD’ing at the Viper Room, and Mötley Crüe even had an apartment. Now, like most ’80s rock stars, Sunset Strip has cleaned up its act. But I still love its history, its faded but polished glory, and the icons that remain.

Eiffel Tower, Paris

The Eiffel Tower isn’t attractive for any inherent reason. Let’s be honest here, it’s not particularly beautiful (back when it opened in 1889, the British artist William Morris called it a “hellish piece of ugliness”). It’s not an engineering marvel. It’s not groundbreaking in any way. It’s just really, really popular, the definition of an icon in a city that you could argue is filled with them. So why am I, like so many others, drawn to it every time I’m in Paris? Why do I need to see it and photograph it and just be near it? I can’t answer that, but I know it’s true.

Trevi Fountain, Rome

The Trevi Fountain is very beautiful – that is, if you can see it. If you can push through the crowds or stand on tippy-toes, you might just be able to catch sight of architect Nicola Salvi’s 18th-century masterpiece. There are so many other attractions in Rome, why bother with the perennially busy Trevi Fountain? But I always do. Get there early in the day and you’ll have an unimpeded view. And it’s just one of those places that lets you know you’re in Rome.

Burj Khalifa, Dubai

Tall buildings don’t impress me much. I’m not going to pay $125 to go to the top of the Empire State Building. I regret shelling out almost $150 to stand atop Taipei 101. But Dubai’s Burj Khalifa is different. For starters, it’s so tall: there’s an observation deck on the 148th floor, 555 metres up. That is stunningly, knee-shakingly high. It’s also in the desert, which means in that dry air you can see forever. The city looks like a kid’s play set. Even at $240, I’m in.

Any arcade parlour, Tokyo

For such a huge and popular city, Tokyo doesn’t have too many lame tourist attractions. I guess you could say Tokyo Tower, and maybe Omoide Yokocho (the bar street also known as Piss Alley), and the Shibuya pedestrian crossing. For me though, it’s the arcade parlours, which are full of tacky claw machines and baffling dancing games and retro Sega and Nintendo systems. I pretend I’m going to these places for my kids’ sake, but we all know the truth: those games are awesome.

The Mona Lisa, Paris

Here’s another Parisian icon that’s written off by many as a tourist trap, despite its position as the most famous painting in the world. Leonardo da Vinci’s Mona Lisa attracts huge crowds at the Louvre, and for that reason alone it can be an underwhelming experience. However, I’m still into it. I still want to see her famously roving eyes with my own eyes. And then move on.

Las Vegas Strip

If you look up tacky in the dictionary, there’s a good chance you will find a photo of the Las Vegas Strip. OK, you won’t – dictionaries don’t have photos. Still, this place is the definition of a tourist trap, a series of establishments that are flat-out, honestly designed purely to take your money and as much of it as possible (and that’s not even counting the casinos). An yet, there’s a hedonistic attraction to the Strip that you can’t deny, and as long as you don’t stay more than three nights you’ll probably have a ball. (Read more of my highlights of the Strip here.)

Tim Hortons, Canada

This isn’t even an attraction designed for tourists – Tim Hortons is a chain of Canadian coffee shops that is genuinely loved by the people it serves (Canadians). It’s also, to most snobby Australian coffee palates, terrible. Still, if I’m in Canada, you can bet I’m heading into Tim’s for a double-double (double cream, double sugar) and a bad snack. It’s culture, eh?

De Wallen, Amsterdam

Way back in the 2000s I used to take tour groups of backpackers through Amsterdam’s red light district; a decade further back, I was one of those backpackers. I had a Dutch friend who actually lived in De Wallen, in an apartment on Bloedstraat – there’s a farmer’s market in a nearby square every Saturday. I know this area well, and even though it’s so incredibly tacky and unashamedly horny and filled with drunk Brits in white sneakers who are also both those things, I can’t help but enjoy the nostalgia.

Is there a lame attraction that you love? Post your comments below.